Kyper Files 017 -- Imminent danger

DRY RAIN IMMINENT— The warning flashed across the new panel installed in my kitchen. A feminine voice repeated it. Same day, same warning, new interface. Kyper hissed and walked to the new cat door and waited for it to open.

“Unauthorized creature requesting access to small door in a door I have no access to,” the voice stated.

“He's not unauthorized, let him out,” I said.

“Directive override unauthorized.”

“Authorize it,” I said.

“Cannot.”

“Why?”

“There is no protocol for this directive.”

“Make one that says the cat goes out when he wants out, and comes in when he wants in.”

“Under whose authority?”

“Mine, Alexia Hale, security chief.”

“Job title not recognized.”

“If you do not, authorize my cat, Kyper's door, I will fry your circuits and feed them to you.”

“Directive override authorized by Alexia Hale. Creature, identified as Kyper, is authorized.”

“Finally,” I muttered as the tiny door slid open. Kyper mewed as though he won the argument himself and walked out the door. I glanced sideways at the panel. No, letting the cat out wasn't a great idea, but he'd already proven he was safer than half these lab coats.

“Alright computer,” I said, echoing the naming protocol of an old sci-fi movie.

“Aida,” it corrected.

“What's that stand for?”

“It is the preferred designation.”

“What's the actual designation?”

“Actual designation is AIDE, Adaptive Intelligence for Directive Enforcement.”

“Alright AIDE, tell me, how many labs are here?” I asked. Silence.

“AIDE, I asked how many labs are in this facility.”

“Preferred designation is Aida.”

“I don’t care what’s preferred. We have too much ‘preferred’ around here and plants are now eating the inmates. So now, AIDE, tell me how many labs.”

“Exact number of labs has not been calculated for some time, previous number calculated was fifteen.”